What's a life?

What's a life without faith?

What's a life without God?

Without hope.

Without laughter.

Without joy.

Peace.

Smiles.

Adventure.

Silliness.

Stillness.

Pazazz. 

Tree climbs.

Joy rides.

I love you's.

What's a life, without...life?

Beautiful Things

Thanks Raquel for introducing me to this song!

Are you tired of poems? *Edited*

I wrote this blog post a few hours ago when I was in a slump- a depression. I cried, I moaned. But God said the rainbow would come, and it did. No, my circumstances aren't awesome. But I just learned that my thoughts of me were wrong. I was painting my life will dull grey & black colors. I was letting my thoughts shape my life.

But God had other plans. I am still taking this one step at a time, but I am learning from this. Yes, it sure did have a purpose. The poem below was written out of some agonyzing feelings & emotions. But if I can just remember that I am God's workmanship, & He wants me to paint my life with the color of the rainbow, my trials won't control me.



 ----------
There Is A Purpose

My heart is weak

My bones are aching.

Step by step my strength is breaking.

I know I’m blessed

No reason to fret.

But lonely days just haven't left yet.

I have You as a Friend

Your love is so sure.

But I’m so weak, it’s all still a blur.

And when I pray,

I know that You’re here.

But how many times will I shed that small tear?

I’m so close to saying

Those very real thoughts.

Change my heart now, before I whisper and plot.

 Now, what is my problem?

I have it so good.

I know I’m not acting the way that I should.

Please work this out,

And help me to see,

That all the while, you were simply molding me.

Autumn , good morning! Summer, good night!

 +

Autumn by Florence Hoatson

Yellow the bracken,

Golden the sheaves,

Rosy the apples,

 Crimson the leaves;

Mist on the hillside,

Clouds grey and white.

Autumn, good morning!

Summer, good night!

I wish I would of posted this on the first day of autumn. It would have been more fitting. 

But I have a book of poems, & I thought it would be nice to post an autumn poem frequently. And a picture. This is a sweet time.

Sunshine Prayer

"Sunshine Prayer." -Amber N. Leyba

September 20, 2010

Once upon a sunshine prayer, I slip through a leaf and a tree.

Happiness springs like a child's golden hair, and joy comes like pollen to a bee.

But sometimes the rain will pour down like a flood, your sunshine seems so far away.

"Where did the light go and all sunny bliss? Where is the laughter of the day?"

To slip in a fump and dark stormy night is never the answer so it seems;

When all you have left are a tear and an ache and nothing holds on to your dreams.

Don't cry little sorrow, don't blow out the light; Someone is sure to be there.

"Where is He then when all I can do, is scream and pull out my hair?"

Surely real soon your sun will then shine, a rainbow will pluck at your cheeks;

And then you can shout "Sunshine prayer you're here! HE sent you with sugar and sweets!"

The Poppies In The Garden.

 

 

The poppies in the garden, they all wear frocks of silk,

Some are purple, some are pink, and others white as milk.

Light, light, for dancing in, for dancing when the breeze

Plays a little two-step for the blossoms and the bees.

Fine, fine, for dancing in, all frilly at the hem,

Oh, when I watch the poppies dance I long to dance

   like them!

The poppies in the garden have let their silk frocks fall

All about the border paths, but where are they at all?

Here a frill and there a flounce--a rag of silky red,

But not a poppy-girl is left--I think they've gone to bed.

Gone to bed and gone to sleep; a weary they must be,

For each has left her box of dreams upon the stem for me.

~Ffrida Wolfe~

His hand is upon your heart...

"Even if you had all your desires right now--a godly dad, the perfect mom, Christian friendships--you still wouldn't be happy the way you desire to be. You wouldn't come to Me with your troubles. You wouldn't know Me intimately."

At a place of silence, this truth was placed in my heart. I long for a godly dad, the "perfect" mom, Christian friendships outside of blogger. Now I think that He held these things from my life because He knew ahead of time how much I would need Him and only Him.

I wonder, if I did have those things, would I make them my god. Coming to them when I needed answers; seeking comfort from them?

I am extremely aware of the blessing I have with certain people God did put in my life to talk to & receive encouragement from. But I cannot quite go to them the way I can with my Heavenly Daddy.

Out of any godly family, friend, or mentor, I know that God is the only One who can fix the broken pieces of my heart. People give advice & encouragement. But God does all the healing. The comfort. The peace.

No one--human or possession--can do that truly. I think back on my life. I had only few but very valued godly examples and "mentors". I can say I've grown from that, but I believe that God used them for that and only that. He knew they couldn't heal. So He allowed them only so much "power" to bring me comfort. He knew He could only supply the rest. He's been trying to get me to see that I need not look to another.

As beautiful as friendships may be; as wonderful as family is; only God, our Daddy, can satisfy every longing and empty hole inside our hearts. And that's exactly what He's doing in mine.

A Young Womans Daybook

Today is.....Sunday August 22, 2010

Outside my window....I hear thunder.

I am thinking.....more about life.

I am feeling.....feelings of calmness arising. I also feel drowsy.

I am thankful for....Goodwill.

I am wearing.... P-jays 

I am reading......Check the sidebar :)

I am creating......Birthday cards for friends & family.

One of my favorite things......dresses.

For education this week.......we are starting school this week! Super excited - I really need to start going to bed earlier.

Spiritual lesson I'm learning.....that God is able to calm the crashing waves of life. I am learning what it really means to have a gentle and quiet spirit.

Godly trait I plan to work on.....having a gentle & quiet spirit.

Scripture I am memorizing......1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your cares and anxieties on the Lord for He cares for you."

I am praying for.....these feathers of fear to be clipped away. For guidance towards my future. For peace and calamity.

For the rest of the week....taking it one step at a time.

Picture I'd like to share..... 

 I love looking at this because it reminds me of spending time with the Lord. His time. I want to rise early in the morning, sit on my "front porch" and pray. Just pray to the One who hung the stars and calms the hearts of the weary. And oh, how I want that to forever be planted in my weary heart.

A Plea From My Heart

August 20, 2010

Dear mystery man from afar,

The Lord has placed you there in my heart.

I'm waiting and praying for a love that will be;

Strong, pure, beautiful and sweet.

Daily I seek Him and pray for your life;

Knowing that one day He'll make me your wife!

Love, there is darkness--pulling us down;

But know that our God is bigger all around.

Your on my mind, I've made this my plea;

That you'd guard your heart and save it for me.

Wondrous Butterfly

Floating is my way around,

It's simply all I do.

Then on this day I heard a sound,

And saw a place that's new.

There I flew without a twitch,

My signs were surely one;

And then behold a twinkling light

My wondrous flight begun!

From The Journal of a valley girl rising above Mountains

 

August 13, 2010

  I know I am in the valley now. It is here that I'll learn, grow, experience, discover, dream. 

Just wait until I see that mountaintop! Sure, the valley is dark & scary. It rains here quite a bit. 

But when I look up past the trees, past the winds--I see the Sun, and the light shining upon my face.

And even when it rains here, that Sun never dies down. The winds blow like crazy. And I trip under my dress. I am tempted to stay fallen on the ground, or just let myself die away. 

Still, there is no way that can happen when I feel a strong Hand lift me out of the mud, shake me off, kiss my forehead, and carry me off in His arms. Days go by & I am still in the valley. But rest assured that I am not alone. My Jesus is walking right beside me--picking me up each time I fall. Helping me become stronger. Talking with me, teaching me, correcting me. More importantly, loving & comforting me.

Through the winds, He's my shield. He knows everything about us. Our little minds don't even get that. Through the deep, dark valleys--His light is perfect warmth.

The Room / A Rhythmis Heart

 The Room

'Tis tiring to see,

The fullness of this room.

The big, the small, the dusty

Should make a gal be gloom.

'Woont picking up each treasure,

Count at all for time?
And what about the measure,

Of clothes and books that smile?

Simply reach your hand,

Take this load of mine.

Help me clean this room,

Oh, 'woont you be so kind?

A Rhythmis Heart

A young girl rises from her deep sleep, with wonders of the day;

When all of a sudden, colors blow in, and she is stricken gay (happy).

A color here, a color there, the best is yet to come,

For surely there will be a day when two will equal one.

What's hidden here is something great; a room with gentle ease;

But what you don't know is that it will glow, and happily blow like the breeze.

Searching for room to play a great rhyme; finding herself through a wrong,

Reminding the girl that the way she proclaims is a sweet but yet simple song.


~Simple poems from a heart that beats like a thousand roses in bloom~

Great & Just

Seemingly happy there I lay-

Slowly going about my day.

Filling my heart with the sweetest tale,

Surely You come with a fervent bail.

"I'm using this mess up for a far better thrill

Won't you come see? It's apart of My will!"

"Oh, alright. I will if I must.

Wait! Look! It's great and it's just!

 The rain falls down

And it falls hard.

It beat the sound

Of my once happy heart.

And as I stood there

With this crippling fear,

The rain mixed in

With my falling tears.

Drip! Drip! 

And

Plop! Plop!

Won't this rain ever stop?

But oh, He saved me

From this great flood!

I knew that

I never could.

Oh, He took me from this place.

He wiped the tears from my face.

And then it passed

I knew it wouldn't last.

Despite my fear,

A rainbow appeared.

Drip, drip, drip. There goes another rain storm. Faster, and louder. It pounds. My once happy heart is drowned out by the beat of the storm. This life is the rain. And sometimes I can handle it--the rain. But it pounds so hard that it tries to ruin me.

When the flood came & tried to succeed, HE saved me! He saw me drowning & took me from this place. He wiped my teary eyed face. And while the storm passes, the rainbow finally appeared!

Closer.

Heart? You are weary.

Heart? You are bruised.

Heart? You are fearing.

 Can you be new?

Heart, you need Something, but can it be found?

How many times will you be in this cloud?

Aching for healing to fill up that hole.

But Who can come and save this tired weak soul?

"Heart? Don't be weary; it saddens Me too.

Do not allow yourself to be bruised.

Heart, don't be fearing, for I've come to save;

I've come to rescue your weakness, your ache.

Many the calls I hear in that heart.

My love and My healing are not that far.

Search Me and know Me and then you will see

That, heart, I will fill you with love and with peace.

So no more weariness, no bruising or fear

Can ever separate you from My constant ear.

My ear that will listen to your cry and your plea;

The cry that will bring you closer to Me."

His longing...

"Lord God, set my feet on a rock and give me a firm place to stand on. Help me to show earnestness by trusting in the full assurance of hope until the end, so that I may not be spiritually sluggish, but an imitator of those who through faith and by practice of patient endurance and waiting inherit the promises. For I need endurance, so that I may do Your will.and receive what is promised. Deliver me from drawing back and shrinking in fear, for then You will have no delight or pleasure in me. But may I be among the just and righteous servants who live by faith in You."
~Prayer by Sheila Cragg in her Devotional, A Woman's Walk With God




This is where I seem to be stuck. Spiritually sluggish, drawing back, shrinking in fear. I don't like those terms to be found in me. But in all reality, they are. 
Fear grips me - I tend to draw back. Not away from God, but I guess you could say away from the problem. Away from the feeling of doing something wrong. I draw back on what I could be -- what God wants me to be.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." (Deut. 6:5)

How much strength do I have now? What is it to "love God"? Being the imperfect beings we are, how are we to love such a PERFECT Lord?

Sheila says, "Our Lord knows that we'll never feel fully at rest during our earthly journey. He knows that most of what we do daily to maintain our lives and much of what we do for pleasure leaved us tired. He knows that to escape our pain and those empty, lonely moments, we overload them with meaningless activities and anxious thoughts that fatigue us....Christ calls us to come to Him...so He can refresh us when we're weary of the daily work we must do."

These next words are so touching..."Our loving Shepherd desires to lead us to green meadows beside still waters so He can cleanse our diseased thoughts, heal our damaged lives, and restore our souls. He longs to guide us through the valley of pain, to free us from the fear of evil, to comfort us with His rod and staff. He yearns to lead us along the path of righteousness for His name's sake.The Lord Himself is inviting us to follow Him to a place of peaceful quietness for personal restoration, to find a place of solitude for spiritual restoration, Come, sit at the place He's set for you. He longs to serve you, so let His healing Word quench your thirst; let His tender mercy refresh your starved soul; let His gracious love awaken your spiritual passion."

It's truly at these times I feel closest to my Savior. It's almost like He allowed it so I would get close to Him. All day I had a thirst in my throat for water, but oh how much more thirst I had in my heart. I want my life to be renewed--fulfilled--pleasing to Him. I am not saying it is not right now, but there's steps I need to take, "stones I need to jump across".


It's such a wonder to think God of the universe longs to do things--wonderful things for us. How funny as to why we just won't let Him.

In Love.

 

This day is perfect - not hot, but just the right amount of sun is hitting Sara's face. In beautiful rhythm, her feet swiftly run through the soft weeds down in the field. She lifts her head and breaths in a great amount of scent--wildflowers. Trees are rustling from where she is headed. The small creek right next to her continues to flow and calm her already beating heart.
 
 Still running, she plays out just what she'll say when she gets there. She remembers when He made her laugh--she remembers when He calmed her heart--she remembers when He forgave all. And now she just couldn't wait for this day. One day she called Him and He said, "Here I Am." And now He called her, and there she goes running. As fast as she could.

  She heard Him again--was He singing? Sarah couldn't stop smiling but she knew - she knew He loved it when she did that. She knew He loved it when she laughed. And when she cried, she knew He caught each tear. Now the tears were coming. Racing down her cheeks. Her heart was overwhelmed with a love that was so indescribable - so real.
 
  Finally she stops running. Where is He? There she walks past each tall tree. And seated on a small rock, there He was. His back was to her, and as she sniffed, He turned around and gazed at her with the most beautiful face. He stood, and opened His arms. "Come! I have been waiting for you My child."

  Sarah ran for Him, and planted herself in His warm embrace. And said, '" I love You my Jesus. I have fallen in love with You!"

From the Journal of a Moon Watcher.

  July 26, 2010 

Tonight, the moon was the brightest I've seen it. I stood there glaring into a big ball of radiant light that became the size of my pupil. It looked as if a pure black blanket was lain around the light which then showed to be like a flashlight as if to reveal a secret. A magical dream place where the light spotted only the secret places of a person's heart. My heart.
  But that Light became a light in which it not only revealed each tiny secret imprinted on my heart; that Light changed my heart. That Light becomes brilliantly bright in a person's life. Where everything was once dark and gloomy - sad and scary --there the Light of Love came a made it's home--in the secret place of my heart.

From the Journal of a Weary Heart.

 July 26, 2010 

  Tonight the Lord took me someplace. He smiled at me and kissed my cheek. He brushed back my hair that was subtly left upon my face and He said,

"Daughter, I see YOU and know YOU and understand YOU. For I have created YOU. I'm here my beloved - I'm here."

He's teaching me how to trust Him. To put my faith in only Him. Where troubles seem to knock at the door of my heart and mind -- who will I let enter? Jesus? Or every thing possessed by the world? Which is more powerful? Surely not the world! For it was God who MADE it! Confusion - depression - weariness - doubt - fear ----- all not from my Father.
  I assume Noah felt each one of these things. And yet, God continued to prove Himself faithful and mighty. God used Noah. And he could have easily said "No God." But he didn't say that. He said "Here I am." And God used and blessed him.
  I know my loving Father cares about my confusion, my depression, my weariness, fear & doubt. My Father understands ME, remember?!
  All of a sudden, it seems I've wanted to read the Word. I WANT to learn and grow. I want to know it, live it, and tell it to the world! Why keep it in?
  It's scary, yes -- "How do I go about this?" I ask over and over. Well--I'm learning to take things one step at a time.

Waters Like Me

source

Quiet waters stay and be.

 To themselves just like me.

Softly passing through the air;

Trickling down the back of my hair.

A New Yesterday

 

Yesterday I trembled;

I shuttered with great fear.

Yesterday I walked 

With lies inside my ear.

Yesterday I fussed,

I argued and I yelled.

Yesterday I knew 

How many times I fell.

Yesterday I cried

I whined and I blamed.

Yesterday I said

"When will I ever change?"

Yesterday my heart was wrong

The place I'd been was night

Yesterday I told myself

"It's time you get it right."

But today's a new yesterday

Yes, today I can breath.

Finally today 

Is the day that I can see.

Once He spoke the word,

I knew my heart was right.

Today I'll change the world

With every bit of His light.

All the 'yesterday's represent everyday of my life until today. This day - today, I am new.

picture created at polyvore.com 

credit for idea goes to Julia 

for my Love...

Just like a kiss from above

Is Your face shining in love

Hearing Your voice say, "I'm here"

Perfectly tells me Your near.

Windy's the day from afar

Beauty's the theme of Your heart

Love, I am drawing You close

These moments that I love the most.

Whispers are often Your quest

Slowly they come make a nest

Deep in my heart have they formed

And small quiet words, they are born.

Hungry and thirsty I seem

Will You please come and fill up my stream?

Fill it with wonders of You

And come fill this weary heart too.

True love.

  I sat there--"When are they going to call my name?" My appointment with Dr. Chavez should be taking place this very moment, and yet, here I sit with my purse latched on my lap.

  The magazines have no interest in me and my desire to start up a conversation with the woman next to me died when her daughter entered the room and they raced for the door. There I sit. Waiting. Practically dying from boredom. By myself.

  And then an older, rather ugly man, walks in. Tall, worn and bent was he. Was he dashing? No. And to his side was a fat woman, who was grey. No princess there!

  And yet, they caught my notice. Yes, this quite ancient pair had my full attention. Unaware were they.

  As they walk by the door, I notice that he held her coat for her. He smiled at her then he went to fetch the car. When he brought it around, for her he opened the door and made sure her body was not strained. Then they drove away.

  There I sat. The name I'd been waiting to hear (mine) was not called. But as I sat in thought that morning, and though they did not know, they left me with a picture. This was a picture of how true love should really be.

  So no, I saw no handsome prince. No beautiful princess in my view. But I got to see something --and that something was true love.

*Inspired by this poem by Mary Beth Hackett.*

The Lost Little Sheep

  The sun had just gone to bed. The Shepherd gathered his 100 sheep and called to them, "Goodnight my little sheep!" Off they went far in the meadow, when the Shepheard began to count.
  "One, two, three," He patiently counted with glee in His heart. "Ninety eight, ninety nine....." He found that there were only 99 sheep. "Where are you little sheep?" The Shepherd looked all around him in hopes of spotting the lost sheep. He looked to his left, and he looked to his right. Not one missing sheep did he find. He quietly wandered from the meadow. "Where are you little sheep?" he called once again. When all of a sudden, the Shepherd heard a noise.
  "I'm here in the bushes! Help!" the Shepherd responded and ran for the bush. The little sheep was struggling to get out. The more she fought and struggled, the more deep she would be.
  "Here I am." the Shepherd said. "Do not be afraid. I am right here, okay?" he looked at her face and he wiped away her tears. He got her out and layed his hands on her.
  "I knew you would find me," she said. "I knew you would be here. But I strayed and went my own way. I began to doubt you. I didn't think you could take care of me. So I left. But then I heard your voice. I heard you calling my name." With a patient ear, the Shepherd looked at her in the sweetest most gentle way.
  "Why did you look for me? Why did you come when you knew I went my own route?" Then, the Shepherd looked at her for some time before answering; "My child, let me tell you why I came near. I came so I can dry every single one of your tears. I came so I can fill the hole in your heart. To give you peace. You fret; you are afraid of this place. Why? Don't you know about grace? I came so you could have me everyday. And when you have sorrows, I will be there. My little sheep, I found you when you were lost. Lost in the bushes. And I came to find you because I love you."


  So there I was. Watching a T.V show quietly in the room. When my Grandma (grama) comes in. These are along the lines of what she said to me.

"Amber, I know you worry about all the lost people out there. But I realized - we are not the saviors. Picture 100 little sheep. Jesus, the Shepherd is counting them. And He only counts 99. He goes off to find that lost little sheep. "Where are you?" He calls out. That sheep got into the world. She got stuck in the fence and can't escape. And then Jesus comes alongside her and rescues her." She twisted her head and said, "Look. It's like that picture of Jesus and the sheep." I looked at the picture that hang on the wall ever since I can remember. "Jesus will rescue His lost little sheep. You just gotta keep praying for them to be found. In His own way He will call them by name, and they will hear Him."
  Then, in her sweet voice, she sang, (in spanish) "There were one hundres sheep. The Shepherd came to count them. Once He counted them all, one was missing..."
  That made me smile at how He goes and looks for His lost sheep and calls them by name oh so tenderly. I told her I would write a poem about it. Here it is:

Far in the meadow were 100 sheep

Deep was their slumber; sweet was their sleep.

Not one disturbence, not even one sound

When one by one the Shepherd would count.

"1, 2, 3" He'd begin

When all seemed to be there, He thought He would end.

"98, 99--one isn't here. Oh little sheep! Where are you my dear?"

He looked to the left, He looked to the right.

With a soft voice, "Where are you tonight?"

Out of the meadow, He called her by name

"Where are you?" He said with a voice that was tame.

Silently walking, He heard a faint yelp;

"Im here in the bushes--oh please, come and help!"

Caught in the bushes was the lost little sheep

Helplessly pushing herself way in deep.

"Here I am; Please do not fear;

For I am your Shepherd, I will be right here."

She lifted her face and He wiped all her tears

"I knew You would find me; I knew You'd be near."

"I strayed from the rest, I went my own route;

And when I got lost I began to doubt.

But then I heard You, Your voice I knew well,

And when I saw Your face, my world hope around.

You came and You saw me, You knew where I lay;

But why did You save me when I went my own way?"

"My child, let me tell you of why I came near;

I came so I could gather all of your tears.

I came to fill that hole in your heart;

To bring you My peace and give you a new start.

You worry and fret for the things of this place

But why little sheep? Don't you know about grace?

I came so you'll have Me in all your tomorrows

And when you cry out, I'll wipe all your sorrows.

I found you in bushes, there you were deep;

Come my child, my found little sheep."

purity.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord.

~Psalm 19:14~

Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things.

~Philippians 4:8~