From The Journal: Singing in the dark

It's been a long time since I've just...written.

I mean...trust me. My journal does not go untouched. 

But sometimes I think my imagination does.

I love forming words and making them beautiful & attractive.

I'll read back on my old writings & realize it was not me writing! (know what I mean?)

Tomorrow is March 1st.

And every 1st of the month is always a sorta sad time. 

It's unplanned, but usually I write in my journal every 1st for some reason. And it's always about the same thing: my future.

January, February, was a feeling of fear. But throughout the month...I'm fine. I'm free.

But why is it always the 1st that my heart begins to shake?

-Should I go to college?

-Where should I go to college?

-Should I go to a community one or out of state?

-How far should it be?

-What am I even gonna go for?

-What will I be?

Such questions can make a person crazy!

They always overwhelm me...on the 1st of every month.

I'm serious too, because I have documented proof.

But what I feared about on January 1st, was cleared up & figured out by February 1st.

Isn't that great?! (It doesn't always work that way, btw)

I think it's important to write down all that you're feeling & going through. 

Then look back on it later & see how perfectly God took care of it.

My heart loves to sing.

But when the little birdie passes a dark valley...she is just so afraid. 

Haha, I can just picture her flapping her wings, sweating, & trying her hardest to tweet while trying to see in the darkness.

"Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark."

For some reason I remembered that quote from an old art project in the 10th grade.

Hmmm. Maybe because it so accurately describes me?

(The part about being in the dark...)

I want to sing even in the dark valley!

So we'll see.

My future may be unknown...but my God isn't!

Even though I used to get rained on...I want to start turning that rain upside down & let it take me for a ride!

Kinda like this picture: