His longing...

"Lord God, set my feet on a rock and give me a firm place to stand on. Help me to show earnestness by trusting in the full assurance of hope until the end, so that I may not be spiritually sluggish, but an imitator of those who through faith and by practice of patient endurance and waiting inherit the promises. For I need endurance, so that I may do Your will.and receive what is promised. Deliver me from drawing back and shrinking in fear, for then You will have no delight or pleasure in me. But may I be among the just and righteous servants who live by faith in You."
~Prayer by Sheila Cragg in her Devotional, A Woman's Walk With God




This is where I seem to be stuck. Spiritually sluggish, drawing back, shrinking in fear. I don't like those terms to be found in me. But in all reality, they are. 
Fear grips me - I tend to draw back. Not away from God, but I guess you could say away from the problem. Away from the feeling of doing something wrong. I draw back on what I could be -- what God wants me to be.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." (Deut. 6:5)

How much strength do I have now? What is it to "love God"? Being the imperfect beings we are, how are we to love such a PERFECT Lord?

Sheila says, "Our Lord knows that we'll never feel fully at rest during our earthly journey. He knows that most of what we do daily to maintain our lives and much of what we do for pleasure leaved us tired. He knows that to escape our pain and those empty, lonely moments, we overload them with meaningless activities and anxious thoughts that fatigue us....Christ calls us to come to Him...so He can refresh us when we're weary of the daily work we must do."

These next words are so touching..."Our loving Shepherd desires to lead us to green meadows beside still waters so He can cleanse our diseased thoughts, heal our damaged lives, and restore our souls. He longs to guide us through the valley of pain, to free us from the fear of evil, to comfort us with His rod and staff. He yearns to lead us along the path of righteousness for His name's sake.The Lord Himself is inviting us to follow Him to a place of peaceful quietness for personal restoration, to find a place of solitude for spiritual restoration, Come, sit at the place He's set for you. He longs to serve you, so let His healing Word quench your thirst; let His tender mercy refresh your starved soul; let His gracious love awaken your spiritual passion."

It's truly at these times I feel closest to my Savior. It's almost like He allowed it so I would get close to Him. All day I had a thirst in my throat for water, but oh how much more thirst I had in my heart. I want my life to be renewed--fulfilled--pleasing to Him. I am not saying it is not right now, but there's steps I need to take, "stones I need to jump across".


It's such a wonder to think God of the universe longs to do things--wonderful things for us. How funny as to why we just won't let Him.

In Love.

 

This day is perfect - not hot, but just the right amount of sun is hitting Sara's face. In beautiful rhythm, her feet swiftly run through the soft weeds down in the field. She lifts her head and breaths in a great amount of scent--wildflowers. Trees are rustling from where she is headed. The small creek right next to her continues to flow and calm her already beating heart.
 
 Still running, she plays out just what she'll say when she gets there. She remembers when He made her laugh--she remembers when He calmed her heart--she remembers when He forgave all. And now she just couldn't wait for this day. One day she called Him and He said, "Here I Am." And now He called her, and there she goes running. As fast as she could.

  She heard Him again--was He singing? Sarah couldn't stop smiling but she knew - she knew He loved it when she did that. She knew He loved it when she laughed. And when she cried, she knew He caught each tear. Now the tears were coming. Racing down her cheeks. Her heart was overwhelmed with a love that was so indescribable - so real.
 
  Finally she stops running. Where is He? There she walks past each tall tree. And seated on a small rock, there He was. His back was to her, and as she sniffed, He turned around and gazed at her with the most beautiful face. He stood, and opened His arms. "Come! I have been waiting for you My child."

  Sarah ran for Him, and planted herself in His warm embrace. And said, '" I love You my Jesus. I have fallen in love with You!"

From the Journal of a Moon Watcher.

  July 26, 2010 

Tonight, the moon was the brightest I've seen it. I stood there glaring into a big ball of radiant light that became the size of my pupil. It looked as if a pure black blanket was lain around the light which then showed to be like a flashlight as if to reveal a secret. A magical dream place where the light spotted only the secret places of a person's heart. My heart.
  But that Light became a light in which it not only revealed each tiny secret imprinted on my heart; that Light changed my heart. That Light becomes brilliantly bright in a person's life. Where everything was once dark and gloomy - sad and scary --there the Light of Love came a made it's home--in the secret place of my heart.

From the Journal of a Weary Heart.

 July 26, 2010 

  Tonight the Lord took me someplace. He smiled at me and kissed my cheek. He brushed back my hair that was subtly left upon my face and He said,

"Daughter, I see YOU and know YOU and understand YOU. For I have created YOU. I'm here my beloved - I'm here."

He's teaching me how to trust Him. To put my faith in only Him. Where troubles seem to knock at the door of my heart and mind -- who will I let enter? Jesus? Or every thing possessed by the world? Which is more powerful? Surely not the world! For it was God who MADE it! Confusion - depression - weariness - doubt - fear ----- all not from my Father.
  I assume Noah felt each one of these things. And yet, God continued to prove Himself faithful and mighty. God used Noah. And he could have easily said "No God." But he didn't say that. He said "Here I am." And God used and blessed him.
  I know my loving Father cares about my confusion, my depression, my weariness, fear & doubt. My Father understands ME, remember?!
  All of a sudden, it seems I've wanted to read the Word. I WANT to learn and grow. I want to know it, live it, and tell it to the world! Why keep it in?
  It's scary, yes -- "How do I go about this?" I ask over and over. Well--I'm learning to take things one step at a time.

Waters Like Me

source

Quiet waters stay and be.

 To themselves just like me.

Softly passing through the air;

Trickling down the back of my hair.

A New Yesterday

 

Yesterday I trembled;

I shuttered with great fear.

Yesterday I walked 

With lies inside my ear.

Yesterday I fussed,

I argued and I yelled.

Yesterday I knew 

How many times I fell.

Yesterday I cried

I whined and I blamed.

Yesterday I said

"When will I ever change?"

Yesterday my heart was wrong

The place I'd been was night

Yesterday I told myself

"It's time you get it right."

But today's a new yesterday

Yes, today I can breath.

Finally today 

Is the day that I can see.

Once He spoke the word,

I knew my heart was right.

Today I'll change the world

With every bit of His light.

All the 'yesterday's represent everyday of my life until today. This day - today, I am new.

picture created at polyvore.com 

credit for idea goes to Julia 

for my Love...

Just like a kiss from above

Is Your face shining in love

Hearing Your voice say, "I'm here"

Perfectly tells me Your near.

Windy's the day from afar

Beauty's the theme of Your heart

Love, I am drawing You close

These moments that I love the most.

Whispers are often Your quest

Slowly they come make a nest

Deep in my heart have they formed

And small quiet words, they are born.

Hungry and thirsty I seem

Will You please come and fill up my stream?

Fill it with wonders of You

And come fill this weary heart too.

True love.

  I sat there--"When are they going to call my name?" My appointment with Dr. Chavez should be taking place this very moment, and yet, here I sit with my purse latched on my lap.

  The magazines have no interest in me and my desire to start up a conversation with the woman next to me died when her daughter entered the room and they raced for the door. There I sit. Waiting. Practically dying from boredom. By myself.

  And then an older, rather ugly man, walks in. Tall, worn and bent was he. Was he dashing? No. And to his side was a fat woman, who was grey. No princess there!

  And yet, they caught my notice. Yes, this quite ancient pair had my full attention. Unaware were they.

  As they walk by the door, I notice that he held her coat for her. He smiled at her then he went to fetch the car. When he brought it around, for her he opened the door and made sure her body was not strained. Then they drove away.

  There I sat. The name I'd been waiting to hear (mine) was not called. But as I sat in thought that morning, and though they did not know, they left me with a picture. This was a picture of how true love should really be.

  So no, I saw no handsome prince. No beautiful princess in my view. But I got to see something --and that something was true love.

*Inspired by this poem by Mary Beth Hackett.*

The Lost Little Sheep

  The sun had just gone to bed. The Shepherd gathered his 100 sheep and called to them, "Goodnight my little sheep!" Off they went far in the meadow, when the Shepheard began to count.
  "One, two, three," He patiently counted with glee in His heart. "Ninety eight, ninety nine....." He found that there were only 99 sheep. "Where are you little sheep?" The Shepherd looked all around him in hopes of spotting the lost sheep. He looked to his left, and he looked to his right. Not one missing sheep did he find. He quietly wandered from the meadow. "Where are you little sheep?" he called once again. When all of a sudden, the Shepherd heard a noise.
  "I'm here in the bushes! Help!" the Shepherd responded and ran for the bush. The little sheep was struggling to get out. The more she fought and struggled, the more deep she would be.
  "Here I am." the Shepherd said. "Do not be afraid. I am right here, okay?" he looked at her face and he wiped away her tears. He got her out and layed his hands on her.
  "I knew you would find me," she said. "I knew you would be here. But I strayed and went my own way. I began to doubt you. I didn't think you could take care of me. So I left. But then I heard your voice. I heard you calling my name." With a patient ear, the Shepherd looked at her in the sweetest most gentle way.
  "Why did you look for me? Why did you come when you knew I went my own route?" Then, the Shepherd looked at her for some time before answering; "My child, let me tell you why I came near. I came so I can dry every single one of your tears. I came so I can fill the hole in your heart. To give you peace. You fret; you are afraid of this place. Why? Don't you know about grace? I came so you could have me everyday. And when you have sorrows, I will be there. My little sheep, I found you when you were lost. Lost in the bushes. And I came to find you because I love you."


  So there I was. Watching a T.V show quietly in the room. When my Grandma (grama) comes in. These are along the lines of what she said to me.

"Amber, I know you worry about all the lost people out there. But I realized - we are not the saviors. Picture 100 little sheep. Jesus, the Shepherd is counting them. And He only counts 99. He goes off to find that lost little sheep. "Where are you?" He calls out. That sheep got into the world. She got stuck in the fence and can't escape. And then Jesus comes alongside her and rescues her." She twisted her head and said, "Look. It's like that picture of Jesus and the sheep." I looked at the picture that hang on the wall ever since I can remember. "Jesus will rescue His lost little sheep. You just gotta keep praying for them to be found. In His own way He will call them by name, and they will hear Him."
  Then, in her sweet voice, she sang, (in spanish) "There were one hundres sheep. The Shepherd came to count them. Once He counted them all, one was missing..."
  That made me smile at how He goes and looks for His lost sheep and calls them by name oh so tenderly. I told her I would write a poem about it. Here it is:

Far in the meadow were 100 sheep

Deep was their slumber; sweet was their sleep.

Not one disturbence, not even one sound

When one by one the Shepherd would count.

"1, 2, 3" He'd begin

When all seemed to be there, He thought He would end.

"98, 99--one isn't here. Oh little sheep! Where are you my dear?"

He looked to the left, He looked to the right.

With a soft voice, "Where are you tonight?"

Out of the meadow, He called her by name

"Where are you?" He said with a voice that was tame.

Silently walking, He heard a faint yelp;

"Im here in the bushes--oh please, come and help!"

Caught in the bushes was the lost little sheep

Helplessly pushing herself way in deep.

"Here I am; Please do not fear;

For I am your Shepherd, I will be right here."

She lifted her face and He wiped all her tears

"I knew You would find me; I knew You'd be near."

"I strayed from the rest, I went my own route;

And when I got lost I began to doubt.

But then I heard You, Your voice I knew well,

And when I saw Your face, my world hope around.

You came and You saw me, You knew where I lay;

But why did You save me when I went my own way?"

"My child, let me tell you of why I came near;

I came so I could gather all of your tears.

I came to fill that hole in your heart;

To bring you My peace and give you a new start.

You worry and fret for the things of this place

But why little sheep? Don't you know about grace?

I came so you'll have Me in all your tomorrows

And when you cry out, I'll wipe all your sorrows.

I found you in bushes, there you were deep;

Come my child, my found little sheep."

purity.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord.

~Psalm 19:14~

Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things.

~Philippians 4:8~

Until I say 'I Do'

  Lilah glanced at her hand. Her ring read, "I will wait." Lilah treasured her purity. What was it that made her keep her gift most precious gift unwrapped? Was it this symbolic piece of jewelry? No, it was more. It was her first Love; her most Beloved King that captured her heart and held it in the palms of his hands. It was a beautiful love she had for Him that let her decide who she'd give herself away to. It was the day of Lilah's wedding. Today she knew with all that was in her that Wilson was the one for her. God had given him to her, and her to him. Today they would forever be united as one.
  "Until I say 'I Do'," she said smiling to herself. "Until this ring is replaced with the one I will wear for the rest of my life. Until I am one with Wilson."
  Lilah's father stepped in the room teary eyed. "Oh, Li. You are so beautiful." Then in a more serious tone he said, "I never told you this, and I want you to know. Before you were born, at your mothers and my wedding, we didn't wait." Lilah's expression told her dad she was confused.
  "We didn't wait like you and Wil did. We let our wants and desires get the better of us. The reason I'm telling you this is because I am so amazed and proud of you and your choices. Your beautiful gift is untouched and that will benefit you in your marriage. I don't think you know how beautiful that is in a woman." Lilah began to tear up. Her waiting was something she thought was just between God, her and Wilson. Her father had always had a part in her decisions. She knew this one was between her and God.
  As the beloved father and daughter finally walked down the aisle, Lilah lifted her head above her veil to find Wilson's tears streaming down his cheeks. Her heart skipped a beat. This was the man she was going to marry! When she made it to the alter, he looked at her with the most precious gaze and held her hands oh so gently.
After vows were said, he slipped of her purity ring slowly, kissed it, and handed it to the ring bearer. With the new ring in his hand he looked at her beautiful face and said  "With this ring I thee wed."